Weaning off

"

Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period]. Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity. No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child. And upon the [father's] heir is [a duty] like that [of the father]. And if they both desire weaning through mutual consent from both of them and consultation, there is no blame upon either of them. And if you wish to have your children nursed by a substitute, there is no blame upon you as long as you give payment according to what is acceptable. And fear Allah and know that Allah is Seeing of what you do.

" Baqara 233

The painful process of weaning off is about to start... I have mixed feelings this time around. I would never get this chance again in my life. I wanted to adopt a child and nurse him or her but that might never happen.... all the contradiction about mahram....

Moosa's birth was the most difficult of the three... I also found that it brought about a special bond/ At times he is a very difficult baby/toddler. Very set with his ways. Last night we put him down without milk and it was very hard. He cried for a long time. He finally settled to some singing....

Once I stop nursing him he will forever be disconnected from me physically. He will no longer need me. So it is as difficult for me as it is for him... It's all he's known since the day he was born... he has to now give it up and I have to do everything I can to make him feel that I am not mad at him and that this is not a punishment. His sad cries melt my heart and I am usally on the verge of giving in but I have to be strong for both of our sakes. Once he cries there is no going back. He will eventually learn to sooth himself and to realize that mummy's ilk is no longer needed.... I am sad... more sad that this will be both the last time for him and for me.... I nursed Jannah for 19 months.... Haroon for 18  and Moosa is 18 1/2 now....

Someday when you grow up and read this Moosa, don't feel embarrassed, rather feel lucky that I was able to do it. Despite not being able to wear what I want, or go where I want... I have been able to enjoy the privilege Alhamdelillah!