If I can promise you..

I’m afraid to promise to you

my dear..

Because I don’t know if I can keep them…

but

If I can promise

I’d promise you….

Good health

Sound education

A happy home to come to

Smiles and laughter

Joyful moments to treasure

Memories of bliss

Piety and modesty

Plenty of food

And tours and travel

Friendship and care

Trust and love

A lot lot more

If I can promise

If I can give

You can have all the world

…and more

Jannah my darling

My princess

I’m too afraid to promise

Because I know

that broken promises hurt

And I don’t want anything to hurt you!

I love you always

Mum!

Getting to know this little new person

Life used to be boring a couple of months ago… so boring that I use to wait for someone to come online to chat with. Scrabulous, blogging, email and cooking made my day. The cold weather, the new environment, the frustrating time difference and even the people - no matter how friendly - all told me just one thing… “I want to be back home” I don’t belong here. But then with the coming of my mum, dad and bro to kill the silence and with the wonderful addition of this new little person, life thankfully takes a different twist for me.

Jannah is now almost 3 weeks young. She is Masha Allah progressing well like little newborns usually do. Already she’s outgrown most of her clothes. Gained a pound and very active. She’s been to two regular checkups by her pediatrician and they are more than impressed with her development. Alhamdulillah – I cannot be more thankful to God. I was always worried for her especially since my first two trimesters of pregnancy did not go well due to severe vomiting. I was always afraid that I was not taking enough for her. But Jannah- Masha Allah – seems to not have been bothered with any of that. She is perfect and pretty.

Jannah lives in a world of her own. Our faces probably last only minutes in her memory but everything she does lasts forever is ours. Watching her first smile… changing her and washing her… brings back all my doll memories of childhood. Only – this doll I have to be a lot more careful with. Her smile – it lasts only for a few mille seconds perhaps… but it’s enough to last forever in our hearts. We wait for her to open her eyes and look into ours. She is watching and wondering and learning. It’s amazing

On her 7^th day Jannah had the rare privilege of having her head shaven by her father. After many attempts of trying to get her a barber, dad dearest volunteered to do it himself which turned out be quite a ceremony for us all. Gold equivalent to the weight of Jannah’s hair is to be given as a charity. Akeeka – sacrificing a goat in her name was also done. The meat was distributed among relatives and the poor.

Jannah is great. She has not yet started troubling us with the usual that babies do. I hope she continues that way. She has brought joy and a lot more to our life! Turned our winter into spring! Changed our fears into smiles! What makes me sad is that she’ll grow soon and I wont be able to enjoy her babyhood any more. Then will come her childhood along with greater responsibilities both for us and for her. We’d have to be in our best behavior in front of her. Well I hope that we will be good parents to her. For us – that’s more than just a duty or responsibility.

Home Coming

Works for you from Grandpa!

She has come!

Lanka will always be my home!

Half my heart is back home

I miss the sunshine on my face

I miss the walks down the sea shore

I miss the friends at work

I miss the relatives and calls and all the fuss

Living here in to lap of luxury

Too cold to go outside

Snow everywhere

Beautiful to see

But miserable to be in

No friends… no family…

No sunshine… no sea

You hardly see a pedestrian

A building or a mountain

My dear country… War bound

I had to leave

To pursue, a future.. better for my family

Lanka - without you

I miss sun drying my clothes

I miss the rush hour hour

I miss the string hoppers and kiri hodhi

I miss the hoppers and pol sambol

I miss everything back home

And I don’t know when I will see her again

I miss my comfy bed

And my little home!

I hope Jannah will be lucky enough to enjoy her childhood as much as we did. We had neighbour kids to run around and play with. We didn’t electronic robot dolls and remote controlled cars to amuse us. Yet we had so much and more! We had outdoor sports and loads of fun… we had time to sit under the jam tree and play sellam gedara. We had time for cricket and kom pittu. We made kites and flew them We rode bikes and bruised ourselves. When parents used the cane we did not have authorities to complain! We felt the sand and grass under our feet and the rain and wind on our faces…

Jannah I want you to not to miss one bit of it!!!

FROM MY HEART TO YOUR HEART

I was studying the brain,
When you first gave your mamma the pain,
Within a few hours to this world you came,
Now you’ve joined our household to make a name,

Life may seem like a game,
But never are two moments completely the same,
And that is for you to tame,
Oh sweet little dame,

You are lucky to be born in this land of plenty,
But forget not your family,
For they have sacrificed many,
Just to enjoy your wonderful company,

I don’t know what your home looks like- but I know for sure,
It will be built with on trust,
Painted with love,
Tiled with determination,
And illuminated with wisdom,

You maybe black, brown or white,
But for our eyes you will always be a delight,
We will be there always to show you what’s wrong and right,
For that is our right,

Your mother- my dear sister; is a very simple and wonderful woman,
Likewise you must be a good human,
Let goodness flow in you,
Like the blood that flows across every organ, muscle and tendon,

This is not a great piece of art,
Just simple thoughts off my heart,
For you to read one day my dear little niece,
May you always be at peace,



From your ever loving uncle Ahsen

When you sleep…

When I put you to sleep every night I am so scared… so scared that you’d be too cold or too hot… so scared that you’d roll over, so scared that I may not hear your cry… would you bring the blanket over your face? I look at your tightly closed eyes and pray to God to take care of you when I can’t. Are you comfortable? Darling I am so worried! So worried that you will be unhappy… that I will fail in my duty towards you… darling I cannot tell you how much you mean to me….

I am waiting for dawn. When you wake up a few times in the night I am relieved to hear your cry. That you are ok and that I there is no need for any anxiety… my love my life… my joy… my pride.

I am waiting to see your smile that appears like the sun’s heat in milwaukee . It’s heart breaking to hear you cry when I have to snuggle you through all those tight warm clothes. If you were in Sri Lanka where you were really meant to be you would have been free like a bird in cotton clothes and cloth diapers, soft against your skin. No funny changes in colour… no rashes for me to expect…. No temperature control..

But here dear… there are no mosquitoes to gore through your soft flesh… no ants to drink the left over milk drops, no 100 thousand visitors to disturb your sweet slumber, no dust and smoke or noisy buses around… You are lucky indeed… your birth was like a holiday for mum and dad. You are born to a country that’s advanced in many ways more than ours… I hope you will be happy here although your mum’s heart is there…

I love you my angel princess… you make me so happy that I have to cry tears of joy every now and then… let me do what it takes to make you happy too..

With Love (of infinite volume)

Mum

Her 1st week of life

Whenever people asked me what my happiest moment in life was I always said that it was yet to come... It finally has...


Jannah decided that it was time for her to come see the world. Her second cousins Ayub and Muadh who were due three weeks after her were already here a week or two earlier. Well she couldn't wait any more so she broke her own water bag. We had just returned from an entertainment programme - Walking with Dinosaurs. I knew it would be my last week for festival and baby shopping and any entertainment outside home. It was nice spending it with mum, dad, bro and hubby who were all very impatient about Jannah's arrival.

From the moment my water broke, it changed our lives forever... his and mine! It is so wonderful to parent a child. My labour was thankfully very short - Alhamdulillah. My fears were over and there she was on me. I could not believe my eyes. Hubby and dad now was right beside me the whole time and there were tears of joy in his eyes. I heard her reassuring cry and the fuss all around. She was masha Allah a perfect baby - My miracle... My life now!

I have spent every moment with her since then. It is such a joy to feed her, dress her, bathe her and be with her. Every time she looks at me through her beautiful black eyes I melt...

I am getting to know this person we brought into the world better and better each day.Jannah is amazing. She is such a pleasure to be around with. The joy, happiness and love cannot be humanly explained.

My dear Jannah - I want you to be everything that a good person would be and much more! I would not love you less if you are not. You are now my life.... I love you so so much!

December 9th

I have waited my whole life to meet her and she's finally here.... I have no words to Explain the Feeling!!!

The Waiting

I may not have the time to blog after the birth… so I thought of dropping in a few lines of what’s been going on with us. After our arrival in the US I hadn’t seen a doctor for three weeks because the necessary paper work had to get done before my visit to hospital. When we were finally there I had my third and hopefully last scan. It was comforting to know that everything was normal and going smooth. They had to take many tests for various reasons and legal procedures. At the end of the day we returned happy and relieved, Alhamdulillah. I have seen the gyno three times since then and I hope this week would be my last visit. The baby is active and she has brought me more knowledge than my degree ever did. I have read up so much on the whole process, attended birth classes and people now consider me experienced enough to even call for advice. Boy am I glad that I can help?

I wonder how are grandparents did it all. Bringing a life into this world is just a natural process… Sometimes I wonder why they make such a big fuss over here. May be there is a population growth problem. Coming to think of it I haven’t noticed very many kids, babies and pregnant ladies. People are sometimes thrilled to see my little bulge in supermarkets and malls. They fuss over it and ask me all kinds of questions.

The hospitals, doctors and nurses here are so friendly, caring and nice. I feel privileged and lucky to have the baby here. The hospital rooms are like hotel rooms and everything is just next to “great”. She is indeed a very gifted baby. MashaAllah

Ever since my parents and bro have arrived in the US I have had more time for myself… I’m relaxing, eating and not doing any house work. My mum cooks and cleans, my brother vacuums and I just laze around. I’ve gained weight but I don’t want to get used to it….

Now it’s a matter of waiting for that moment. My fears of the pain. My imagination of holding my very own baby for the first time. I am going to miss that she won’t be a part of my body anymore. I am always decorating her stuff and arranging her little cute clothes and belongings. I really cant wait to dress her up in those cute things and cuddle her. I hope that she would be all that we want and more.

Waiting… waiting…

My Dear Little One

Mum is organizing closet and crib
Dad is out and about collecting the furniture and taking Mummy shopping
Mum and dad are taking birthing classes
Uncles are all excited
Grandma is feeding mummy all the last minute nutrition
Grandpa is planning 7th day rituals
Everyone's waiting... Where are you?